


Joined

by suzannemarie (finlass)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-14
Updated: 2010-06-14
Packaged: 2017-10-10 02:57:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/94711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finlass/pseuds/suzannemarie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two scenes: one from the beginning of Jacob's and Selmak's life together and one from the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Joined

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the LJ community one_prompt for the prompt Breathe.

_What the hell am I doing?_ Jacob wondered to himself.

For better or worse, Jacob had always been one to make decisions without looking back. He had not been given much time for this choice, but he had not needed much. When he weighed all of the input he had received, considered his failing body, and looked into his daughter's anxious eyes, the conclusion was clear to him.

Trepidation replaced resolve as he watched something vaguely reptilian begin to issue from Saroosh's mouth. It was all he could do to remain on the bed and face Saroosh. He tore his gaze away from the emerging Tok'ra to look at the host. Her eyes conveyed understanding and reassurance, helping to calm Jacob. She nodded to him, then she winked roguishly, sighed deeply, and closed her eyes.

Jacob's eyes were drawn inexorably back to the Tok'ra as it continued its steady exit. He watched with a mixture of fascination and alarm as more and more of Selmak became visible. _Well. In for a penny, in for a pound._ Jacob swallowed hard. He closed his eyes and opened his mouth.

After a few seconds that seemed interminable, Jacob felt a rush of something rough and unyielding cross his lips. It scraped past his teeth and slid over his tongue. There was a sudden sharp, searing pain at the back of his throat. He had been told how Tok'ras entered the body, but he had not fully anticipated how painful it would be. He tried to gag and found that he could not.

Then, as quickly as it had started, it was over. He could feel the Tok'ra sliding into position, entwining along his spine and connecting with his nervous system. Jacob twitched and gave an involuntary giggle. He had not expected this part of the integration to tickle.

A presence pushed insistently into his mind. Images and emotions rushed into his head faster than he could process them. Jacob fought to stem a rising sense of panic. He began to retch. He struggled to keep from hyperventilating.

Selmak made a tactful and apologetic retreat. Gradually Jacob's stomach stopped heaving. He tried to relax, but every nerve ending was wary and on edge.

Selmak made a gentler foray into the edges of Jacob's mind.

_I'm sorry. I rushed too quickly and deeply into your thoughts while you were unprepared._ Selmak's words were as soft as a whisper in Jacob's head.

_This is what it's going to be like?_ Jacob asked her. He tried to hide the fear that gripped him. He realized suddenly that he would never be able to hide anything from her. His fear increased.

_It's always hard at first,_ Selmak soothed. _I always forget that a new host can never be fully prepared for what blending is like. I should not have pushed so hard. We will be equal partners, you and I. This is my promise to you._

In a careful and controlled manner, Selmak shared with Jacob memories of her blending with Saroosh. He felt Saroosh's anxiety and excitement as if it were his own. She had been a lively and fun-loving host. Saroosh's sense of humor had been a perfect match for Selmak's. They had laughed together often. It had a been a joyous union between the two of them.

Next, Selmak put forward the memories of life with another prior host. Again, Jacob felt a predecessor's emotional response to a blending. Taurin had been gravely wounded when Selmak joined with him. He had been frightened and shy and perpetually unsure of himself. Selmak had goaded and cajoled, encouraged and pushed, until the day Taurin grew into a confident, self-assured man. No host's growth had satisfied Selmak as much as Taurin's did. Trust and respect had underpinned everything about their relationship.

Finally, almost tentatively, Selmak released memories of the relationship with her first host, Aktal. That blending had been nearly catastrophic. Selmak had been inexperienced and eager. She had not fully appreciated how delicate the human mind could be. She had been forceful and unrelenting in her entry. Aktal, herself young and strong-willed, had resisted Selmak's advances. Convinced that she was acting with the best of intentions, Selmak had overridden objections and resistance and done whatever she wanted. Eventually Aktal had retreated as far as she could into her own mind, refusing to engage with Selmak.

When she understood what she had done, Selmak had been horrified. It took weeks of coaxing and apologizing to get Aktal to speak to her. It took much longer to gain her trust. Painfully, bit by bit, Selmak earned Aktal's approval. It has been hard, but as time passed, they were able to move beyond the way their relationship started and build a partnership of love and trust.

In her long life, Selmak had seen many horrors. She had lost many friends and committed regrettable acts. The abusive beginning of her relationship with Aktal was her worst memory and her deepest shame. It forever informed how she related to her hosts and to those around her. She had made a vow to Aktal that her hosts would always be treated as equals and that all decisions would require the agreement of both host and symbiote. It was a vow that Selmak faithfully kept.

Each memory that Selmak offered was assimilated by Jacob in a flash. The thread of affection and love from Selmak for each of her hosts was woven into everything that Jacob learned. He felt her lingering sadness at the loss of each host and the fresh grief at the loss of Saroosh. He also felt uncertainty from her. He realized that she was worried about what he would think of her. That discovery was enough to disarm him fully.

_Let's make this work_, he told Selmak.

_Good._ Jacob could feel Selmak's relief and pleasure. _There is much damage in this body of yours. It will take some time to repair._

_What should I do?_

_Breathe. Rest. Sleep. All will be well._

Jacob awoke later with a head was full of memories that he did not recognize. The confusion of memories became secondary as he noticed that his body felt better than it had in years. He took what felt like the first deep breath that he had taken in months. The medications had been cleared from his body. He was no longer nauseous. He could feel that the cancer was gone. With surprise, he noticed that his arthritis was gone too. He had not considered that the smaller aches and pains would also be healed. He had not felt so alive in years.

_I didn't dream it could be like this,_ Jacob told Selmak with delight.

_You're welcome,_ Selmak told him. _Now, let's go._

As the years went by, Jacob often thought back to those first few moments after waking up from the blending. He remembered the jumble of memories, the noise of explosions from enemy attack, and the wonder of feeling healthier and younger than he had thought possible. Of all the memories, the one that lingered most clearly was the first sweet, pain free breath that he took after being healed.

 

***

Somehow, Selmak managed to rouse briefly. _Jacob, old friend, this is it._ The voice was faint and distant in Jacob's mind.

_I know. It's been an honor, old friend._

_I shouldn't have let you talk me into staying within you. There was no reason for you to die too._ Jacob could feel the regret behind Selmak's words.

_It was my decision. You gave me six years that I wouldn't have had otherwise. You helped me reconcile with my children. I got to know my grandchildren. I've travelled throughout the galaxy. It wasn't just my body that was healed when we blended, it was my life._

_No regrets?_

_No. And you shouldn't have any either. We've seen the end of the Replicators. The Goa'uld are collapsing. We've done what we set out to do. Breathe. Rest. Sleep. _

_I've heard those words somewhere before,_ Selmak smiled._ But this time there won't be any waking up._

_It's all right. You have fought the good fight. You have finished the course. You have kept the faith._

Jacob felt a flicker of amusement from Selmak. _The Bible? After six years together, you can still surprise me._

Jacob chuckled. _Good. Feel better?_

_Yes._ The voice was very weak. _Thank you Jacob._

_And thank you Selmak. I wouldn't change a thing. I'm ready. You can let go now._

Jacob felt a final gust of appreciation from Selmak as the Tok'ra relinquished his life.

_Goodbye old friend._ Jacob felt a sudden intense, aching emptiness at Selmak's departure. He opened his eyes as Sam took his hand and kissed his forehead.

"I love you," he told his daughter quietly. He took one final look at her face, grateful for the chance to see and speak to her one last time.

Jacob closed his eyes. Memories from his life and from Selmak's life flooded his mind. He smiled.

_It was a good run._

Completely at peace, he took one final breath.


End file.
